


Am I a monster?

by Multifandom_damnation



Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Affectionate Insults, Brotherly Affection, Drug Addiction, Dysfunctional Family, Gen, Homelessness, Literal Sleeping Together, Pre-Canon, Self Confidence Issues, Self-Hatred, Talking To Dead People, Tentacle Monsters
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-05
Updated: 2019-03-05
Packaged: 2019-11-12 08:26:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,084
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18007343
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Multifandom_damnation/pseuds/Multifandom_damnation
Summary: “Klaus, can I ask you a question?”“Yeah, Ben,” Klaus answered. “’course, what’s wrong?”“Am I… am I a monster?”The same question asked at different times in their lives but still very much relevant. Good thing Klaus and Ben are always going to be there for each other, no matter what.





	Am I a monster?

They were seated on opposite ends of Klaus’s bed in the oversized pyjamas that mother had picked out for them, a bag of lollies opened wide between them and stories to share in the silence, the window opened and the blankets wrapped around their legs to keep out the winter night’s chill when Ben broke the silence by clearing his throat and looking awkwardly away. “Klaus, can I ask you a question?”

“Yeah,” Klaus answered around a mouthful of gummy candy that stuck to his teeth. “’course, what’s wrong?”

Ben fiddled with the blanket between his legs, twisting it around his fingers, focusing more on the pattern of the fabric than the words he wanted to speak. “Am I… am I a monster?”

Klaus choked on his mouthful of lollies, coughing and spluttering. “What?” He asked, confused and honestly a little scared. The way Ben was looking at him with those big, hopeful eyes brimming with tears was something Klaus had never seen before in all their years together and it hurt to see the way his brother shrunk into himself. “No way Ben, of course not. What makes you say that?”

“It’s just that…” Ben brought a hand up to subconsciously rub at his chest. “I’m different from all of you. Not normal. Diego always hits his target and Luther can lift entire people like they weigh nothing and Five can teleport to anywhere he wants but I...” he looked down suddenly, ashamed. “I make giant tentacle monsters come out of my chest. And I _hate_ it.”

“And I can talk to the dead,” Klaus remained gently and reached a hand out to his brother's. “And I hate that too. But that doesn’t make me a monster the same way it doesn’t make you one either.”

Sniffling, Ben used his free hand to rub at his nose. “Yeah, but you don’t have a hole in your chest that opens up to another dimension. And monsters don’t claw their way out when you’re not concentrating.”

“No, but they scream at me,” Klaus said, gripping his brother's hand tighter between his own. Ben stared down at their inter-connected hands and gulped. “So yeah, maybe I don’t know what it’s like to have octopus’s arms shooting out of my chest, but I do know that it’s not nice to have things happen when you really don’t want them to.”

“Then we both must be monsters,” Ben muttered. “I have to be, right? There’s no other explanation. I was the only one of us born with this… this _thing_ and I’m the only person who hates what I can do. How am I supposed to learn how to control my powers if they scare me?”

Klaus didn’t comment, didn’t put his brother in his place by adding his own yet similar fears, but he took a deep breath through his nose. “Well, maybe we can learn how to control them together?”

Shaking his head, Ben pulled his arms away from Klaus’s grasp and wrapped them around himself. He looked so small. “But I don’t ever want to use them. They’re horrible. I only do it because dad and Luther tell me to, and I don’t want to disappoint Luther, especially when we’re on missions. I don’t… I don’t want to be in the spotlight like everyone else.” He lowered his chin to his chest. “Sometimes I wish I was like Vanya. Normal. Forgettable. She doesn’t have to train with dad or go out on missions.”

Tutting, Klaus rested a hand on Ben’s shoulder. “Nobody wants to be like Vanya. She’s alone all the time and she pouts and she’s grumpy. You don’t want to be like that. Besides- you’re power is really cool man! I wish I had an interdimensional portal in my chest. Imagine how many snacks I could hide in there!”

Klaus was proud of the small smile he had managed to pull forth from his brother and Ben pursed his lips to try and hide it. “Well, I don’t know if I can hold snacks in there, but I’m sure I’d be the first thing you’d try if you had it.” He looked up. “Could you and I swap positions for tomorrow’s mission? I don’t want to do it tomorrow; I’d rather be the lookout.”

Thinking for a moment, Klaus bobbed his head. “I’m not sure, you’d probably have to talk with Luther about it.” As Ben’s hopeful face fell, Klaus quickly added, “But I’d be happy to share with you! I’ll just tell the other’s that I’m not feeling well and that I need some help and I’m positive they’ll let you give me a hand! I’m sure they can survive a single mission without the help from your many-armed friend.”

Ben smiled and Klaus felt something in his chest ease. “Thanks, Klaus. You’re the best.”

“And _you_ ,” Klaus replied, poking Ben in the chest. “Are not a monster. You’re the glue that keeps this family together. If it weren’t for you, being so smart and kind and peaceful, we all would have killed each other ages ago. Luther and Diego would have torn each other apart. Five would have gone for a wander one day and never come back. Allison would just use her power to convince us that our lives are all backwards. And me… well, you’re the only reason I’m staying here anymore, Ben. If it weren’t for you, I would have been out on the streets. I don’t know what I would do without you.”

There were tears brimming at the corners of Ben’s eyes and he quickly wiped them away so Klaus couldn’t spot them. “Stop being so sweet. You’re going soft on me and you know what dad thinks about soft people.”

Laughing, Klaus reached out and wrapped his brother in a hug, an embrace that Ben gratefully sunk into and reciprocated. “Screw dad,” He chucked into the top of Ben’s head as he rubbed absently at his chest and Ben seemed to lean into the touch. “But you know, you’ve got your whole life ahead of you to figure out how your powers work and how to control them, and I’m going to be with you every step of the way. I won’t leave your side as long as you’ll have me.”

Eventually, the two brothers fell asleep together in each other’s arms and stayed there for the remainder of the night where Vanya would find them in the morning, smile, and quietly close the door again.

* * *

  “Klaus!” Ben shouted as he jogged to keep with his frantic brother. “Slow down man. Where the fuck are you going?” Klaus turned for a moment and swatted at him but his hand just passed harmlessly through him. “Come on Klaus, you know that doesn’t work. You’re freaking out, just sit down for a moment and we’ll wait it out.”

Suddenly, Klaus turned around and waved his hands around. “You don’t understand Ben!” he shouted, eyes wide and wild. His lips were twisted into a snarl and Ben had never seen him look so angry or so frightened. “I’m a monster and nobody gives a fuck! I could die tomorrow and not a single person would know or care, not even our family for fucks-sake! I’ll just be another statistic on the side of the road and the only person who would even know would be you.”

Ben was taken aback and longed to wrap his arms around his brother but knew ultimately that it was impossible. “Klaus, come on, don’t be like that.”

“It’s true though,” Klaus whined, leaning up against the wall and sliding down it with his head in his hands. Ben watched him with thinly veiled concern. “What kind of freak can talk to ghosts, Ben? They’re always screaming at me, always following me around covered in blood and shit. And the only way to shut them up is, get this, to drink until I pass out and take enough drugs that I can’t even remember my own name. It isn’t fun, let me tell you.”

“We’ll get through this together Klaus,” Ben crouched down beside his distressed brother. He hoped the hood over his head would cover and hide his face and mask his emotions from Klaus. “Remember? I’m not going to leave your side as long as you’ll have me.”

“That was different Ben!” Klaus curled his legs up to his chest and clutched at his ears so tightly that Ben was worried that he would rip them off. “We were kids and you were scared of the monsters that burst out of your chest. I’m worried about the wailing dead nagging in my head and trying to find my next meal and where I’m going to sleep.”

Sighing, Ben closed his eyes and reached out before remembering and dropping his hand to his side. “I get that Klaus, but none of that makes you a monster. It just means we have to look a little harder for somewhere to rest. Besides, we can’t teach you how to master your powers if you suppress them all the time.”

“Why would I want them, Ben?” Klaus sobbed and it broke Ben’s heart to hear his brother cry like that without having any power to help him. “I don’t want to see dead people. I don’t want to listen to them wail at me and beg me to save them even though they’re already dead. I don’t want to be a fucking walking-talking Ouija board.” He ran his hands up his face until his fingers gripped and pulled at his hair. He closed his eyes and took a deep, stuttering breath. “God, I need some drugs.”

“Or,” Ben suggested gently. “You can go and crash at Diego’s for a night. Or Vanya's, we both know she'll let you stay there if you asked her. I know you don’t want to go back to the mansion, and I get that, but maybe we can call someone up to come and get you? Dad probably won't even notice you're there.”

Defeated, Klaus rested his head heavily on the brick wall behind him and Ben winced at the sound. “Nobody wants a monster in their homes,” Klaus muttered. “They wouldn’t even recognise me if I called them up. It’s no use- I’d rather sit here and rot for the rest of my days.”

Ben closed his eyes and tried desperately to keep himself as calm as he could. They urgently needed some calm in their situation. “You know why you can’t possibly be a monster, Klaus?” His brother looked at him expectantly. “Because you’re too sensitive to be a monster. You’re compassionate and gentle and funny and even though you’re a jackass and a junkie and you’re high almost all the time, everyone who meets you instantly loves you because you just care about everyone. A monster wouldn’t do that.”

Frowning, Klaus tilted his head to glance at Ben. “Really? The other day you were calling me a huge steaming pile of horse shit. Why the sudden change of heart?”

“Maybe I just don’t want to see my brother unhappy?” Ben said. He would have hit Klaus in the shoulder but he knew it was pointless and not for the first time he wished he was alive again, just for moments like these. “You know, who’s also the only person who can see me and give me any human interaction. I’d like to keep you alive, thank you very much.”

“Why?” Klaus joked and Ben had never been so relieved to see the grin that spread across his face. “Jealous?”

“Fuck off,” Ben laughed, rolling his eyes and Klaus smiled over at him so largely that there were crinkles at the corner of his eyes and his dimples came out from his cheeks. Ben wanted to give him a hug like Klaus had done for him all those years ago, so instead, he settled for just talking quietly. “I’ll always be here, Klaus, even when you want me to go away. God knows how you’ll survive without me.”

There was a crack of thunder and Ben glanced up at the dark storm clouds that had gathered while they had been talking. He stood and shoved his hands in his pockets. “Come on, let’s find somewhere to sleep. Get us out of the rain.” Nodding, Klaus rose to join his brother and together, side by side, they walked through the darkened streets of where they used to call home.


End file.
